


The Pillars Of My Soul

by mrvelvetmuffin



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Childhood Memories, Dreams and Nightmares, Enjoy!, I can't believe there is nothing about this ship, Inner Struggle, It gets kind of sad, Multi, One has to feed the children, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26474848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrvelvetmuffin/pseuds/mrvelvetmuffin
Summary: Follow Rin as he takes a deep dive inside a dream turned into a nightmare. All while he battles with the shadows of his past and new emotions he has never felt before.
Relationships: Moriyama Shiemi/Okumura Rin/Suguro 'Bon' Ryujji
Kudos: 8





	The Pillars Of My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story posted on this platform. I wrote the original version in spanish and not vspecifying any characters. Then I took the time to rewrite it and add a lot more story. This time showing my full attention to this trio.
> 
> I thank a friend of mine for guiding me into the world of Ao No Exorcist. This one is for you, bish! (Followr her at L0nelyHeartsClub and blackflxmes on twitter jiji)

Air comes in and out of my lungs. My fast heartbeat is longing to slow down for a change. My skin emanates a blue, powerful devilish flame. Rage, anger and violence travel through my veins to reach my heart. I don’t know what my body is doing. These horrific emotions are taking control over my body and soul. I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do. I want this to stop!!!

_Snap!_

Immediate nothingness. ‘’ _Don’t be afraid to trust others…_ ’’ is what I can here at the back of my mind. Whose voice is this? Somehow, I am unable to recognize it. Can’t see anything; can’t feel anything. The forgotten voice of someone I lost is echoing at the back of my unconsciousness. ‘’ _Don’t be afraid to trust others…_ ’’ is what it keeps repeating. What does it mean? What is it trying to say? I am profoundly confused. What is this? Why do I feel pain coming from my chest? It’s not the same as…

I can sense myself being small once again. Wooden floors and white walls with windows from where the light of the sun setting comes through. The sound of children crying fill the room. My body feels rigid from fury. My fists clenched as if ready to attack whatever comes close to me. How can’t I be furious? This is how the constant rejection I faced as a child was. All those years of being stared at by judging eyes before morphing into eyes of complete fear. Still, it’s not the same as the pain from before. No, I don’t detect a need to extract myself from everyone around me. It’s something different. ‘’ _Don’t be afraid to trust others…_ ’’ That voice again… It’s trying to tell me something. I need to think for once. Come on, Rin. Get it together! Come on!!!

_Beep!_

My fake attempt to concentrate is interrupted by the beeping of cars. Where am I? Color comes back once I open my eyes. How long did I have my eyes closed? I hadn’t noticed it before. The imagery of a clear blue sky begins to paint a happy scenario before me. The form of a bridge is created by every step I take. Textures and patterns grow out from the bottom of my shoe soles. Buildings fabricate themselves out of thin air to help from the shape of the busy streets I walk through every day. A never-ending street of lively people. Never ending surely because I will never reach my destination. I don’t even know if I have a destination or a place where I belong. I better focus on what’s going on around me. It all looks the same, but something in the air is different. Oh, yes! That’s it! Two people are standing in front of me: Bon and Shiemi. My friends… My friends, ha? At least, that’s how I remember them.

‘’ _Don’t call me Bon._ ’’ It’s what I remember every time I call out for him. It’s a way cooler name than just calling him ‘Ryuji’. Even so, he’s the one always calling me by my last name. I have always thought that I would reach his level of coolness once he calls me by my name or even a nickname. Hmmm… as long as that nickname it’s not ‘Son of Satan’.

Ryuji is standing to my left. He always seems to keep my feet on the ground. I constantly get scolded by him, but never feel negativity coming from his loud screams. He allows me to see that he cares about me. It doesn’t matter how much he tries to hide it; I can always sense his kind intentions. My memories dress him with his usual white shirt, beige sweater, and uniform pants. There’s a reason why he is the second coolest person I know! Everyone can see it! His blonde hair dividing through the middle of his natural hair, his badass demeanor, his piercings... his subtle stubble chin beard… his prominent jawline… his reassuring smile…

_Bump-bump…_

Th-that was weird… On my right I can see Shiemi, the girl that gives me peace of mind. She radiates joy through her every smile; she is kind enough to gift them to us every day. Shiemi has helped me to keep me stable even in my most frenetic moments. You can find a picture of her if you search ‘selfless’ in the dictionary. Always eager to learn more. I’m grateful to have meet her in her little garden. Her persistence to keep working on her grandmother’s garden show her true strength. I am lucky to be some of the few that get to see it at full bloom.

My memory of her shows her wearing one of her many colorful kimonos; greens, oranges, blues, and purples mixed in harmony. Her beauty is translated with ease through her actions. What more can I say about her charms? Her pure smile, her shyness, her never-ending sweetness… her emerald eyes… her slight blushing…

_Bump-bump, bump-bump…_

No… No… I can’t show these feelings. I am too scared to let them out. The idea of letting them know terrifies me. I… I don’t want to be rejected again.

_Zzzzzzzz…_

‘’What is that?’’ I tell my friends; they both freeze while looking directly at me. ‘’What is happening?’’

_PANG!_

A lightning strike between us; the sudden event making me fall to the ground. A heavy rain changes our surroundings as quick as the raindrops fall. Grass appears on the ground. The three of us are encaged in 4 chain-link fences. I can’t escape. Two shadows in the forms of Shiemi and Ryuji take their places. Their only visible features are their white eyes. In them, I can see my fears appear. I feel my heart sink into my stomach.

‘’ _What kind of person do you think I am, Okumura!? I am not interested in that kind of… stuff. Don’t you dare tell anyone you asked me that! Don’t come close to me again!_ ’’ ‘’ _I… don’t feel the same about you, Rin. My feelings are for another person. Your brother, Yukio. Please, don’t ask that ever again._ ’’

‘’Don’t leave me…’’ My hands close with anger grabbing dirt and gras. ‘’I don’t want to be alone again…’’ My tears are disguised by the falling rain. Sadness. That’s what is growing inside me. The same sensation that I experienced when little. It’s back and will want to stay for sure. No one can help me.

‘’Hey, kiddo!’’ I open my eyes to find myself sitting on the entry stairs of my family’s church. ‘’Rin, you want to protect the people you care about, right?’’ That voice is finally clear to me; it’s the one from my old man. I’m a little kid once again. ‘’Yes, dad!’’ ‘’Then, don’t be afraid to trust others that you love, son.’’ Others that I love. What does he mean? ‘’Love -the man continues - is the true strength that one must have to shield another from any evil. Once you find that love, nothing will be able to stop you.’’

Love… What is _that_ kind of love? ‘’I will never find that, dad.’’ My father kneels before me before caressing my cheek to clean the now visible tears on my face. ‘’You can find it in the weirdest forms, son. I can assure you that. Trust me.’’ An unconscious smile appears on my face. ‘’Don’t be afraid to love others, Rin.’’

I stand up to hug him with all my strength. ‘’I miss you, dad.’’ The figure in front of me evaporates to take me back to the scene before the storm. I see Bon and Shiemi again standing ahead of me. My body acts on its own by walking to them. ‘’Morning, Rin.’’ The blonde/dark haired guy says, he wraps me with his arm over my shoulder. ‘’You called me by my name.’’ ‘’Did I?’’ ‘’Morning, Rin!’’ Shiemi tangles her arm with mine as she rests her head over my shoulder. ‘’You look dashing today, Shiemi.’’ She laughs embarrassed. ‘’Thank you. It’s nice to hear you say that.’’

We walk together. The past rejection disappears quickly as it came. With them by my side, I am washed by happiness, care, and security. I don’t have to act as if I am something I am not while being with these two. ‘’Don’t be afraid to love, son.’’ I hear my father’s voice echo once again. I missed hearing him. Thank you for staying with me, dad. I’ll make sure to follow your advice. Your son will embrace these two weirdos as the pillars of his soul.


End file.
